Adoption Journal #15

Why is it the holidays change people? All year long we've received a lot of support from friends about our adoption. We purposely delayed having biological children in order to pursue adoption. In truth the adoption has taken longer than we expected, but we are making progress. However, the last couple of weeks we have felt the sting of having an "empty nest." We were recently invited to a party, but asked to come two hours after the "moms" arrived. This was a little confusing, since we have spent a greater part of the year with the families invited to this party. Mandy has volunteered to help with children's parties, so the other mothers could focus on their children, but now we are isolated and singled out. During this party there were several occasions when the hostess made a distinction between Mandy and the mothers. During games she made a comment that this particular game would test how good the moms could do, then through in an aside in an attempt to include Mandy. I love my wife and respect the fact that she works over 40 hours a week at a difficult job counseling difficult children, then still finds the time to volunteer with the disability ministry at our church on Sundays, as well as being a good Aunt to our nieces and nephews and supportive of this person's children. During the party Mandy won a prize of candles and again the "no kids" issue was thrown out. Mandy was told that it was good she won that prize and not a mother since candles are safer without kids.This is a difficult time. On one side we get people who think it is so great that we are adopted, you know the "bless-your-heart" people. Then we get people who want to know why we aren't having our "own" kids. (Under this premise God can't love a person as much as their biological parents since He has chosen to adopt us). Now we get excluded from friends and family because we haven't produced children. It is hard to wait for the adoption. We could have gone the biological route long ago, but God had other plans. It is just difficult doing something taxing and tiring when people pile on. I know God has great things in store, but it breaks my heart that people can be so dense. It is hard to listen to people tell you that we're such great people for adopting then do everything possible to make us feel like we made a mistake. Pressure from family and friends to bring a child into our home doesn't make things easier.I know I'm venting and that everyone has not been so dense. In fact, we have a lot a great support from both family and friends, but painful comments seem to stick around easier than the supportive comments. We pray that God will give us more of a Teflon skin when it comes to these comments, and I hope that when you meet someone going through an adoption that you're supportive of their decision and don't give them reason to doubt.Mandy and I bought a stocking for our child-to-be. It serves a reminder that God has planned our family in advance and that our son or daughter is well in our hearts even if they are not in our home. Not everyone understands this, but we are thankful that God has given us the gift in our hearts at this Christmas season. It helps get through the frustrating times. It makes us hopeful and stronger. It makes us family.