Getting Hurt (AJ #32)

All children get hurt. To a certain degree this is a good thing. It means that a parent has given a child the opportunity to risk, to learn and to grow. As the Dr. Seuss stated so clearly, “hang-ups and bang-ups will happen to you.” Well, our little girl is no different. Yesterday Mandy had to take her to the doctor after a fall that brought her bottom teeth up through her lip. Of course, this is scary for a child (and her mommy), but part of the natural ebb and flow of family life. This, of course, is easy to say after everything has calmed down and the blood has been cleaned off the carpet (for the most part). However, during the incident things look a lot different.
Any parent would be at least a little alarmed when their child is crying on the floor with a mouth full of blood. Here is where our situation diverges sharply from other parents. Most parents only need worry about their child during and after the situation. Foster parents, however, have more to worry about. Before, we can take our daughter to the doctor we have to make sure that we have her medical release as well as the added documents we are REQUIRED to have completed and signed at every medical appointment. Following the appointment we have to contact the social worker, the foster care licensing worker, the adoption worker, etc. to inform them of the “incident.” As long as our little girl is ok we don’t care who we have to call.
The fact that any minor medical incident becomes a bureaucratic headache is a reason so many foster parents leave the system so soon. This won’t be the last time our rambunctious and strong-willed little girl knocks her head on a table or something similar, and each time we will have to wade through the bureaucratic nightmare.
Now we voluntarily took this responsibility on. We understood the bureaucracy better than most (having each worked in the midst of it for 10+ years). This doesn’t mean that we like it any more than we did when we began and it doesn’t mean that it makes any more sense today than it did years ago. All through our preparation the county stressed our need to focus on our child; however, the county also provides procedural hoops that split our attention in an emergency (whether a fire evacuation or medical emergency). In my years I have seen foster parents and group homes cited and disciplined (including fines) for failure to follow all of the bureaucratic regulations in an emergency, so this is not a minor concern on our part. It is just one of many things that seem to run contrary to the high ideals espoused by government agencies.
As we continue to travel down this road we are constantly aware that without an extremely supportive network of friends and family we would be pulling emotionally, physically and spiritually exhausted. This is exhaustion is not, mind you, from our daughter, but from the many, many, many individuals and bureaucratic hoops that come our way. There are many foster parents without a good support system. We ask anyone who reads this to reach out to a foster parent, adoptive parents or any parent who just seems to be struggling against a “system” and give show them the face of Christ this Christmas season.